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Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, in her book , says she hates when young women, some she barely knows, ask if she will be their mentor, the way little girls ask each other to be best friends.She writes of women your age: "We need to stop telling them, 'Get a mentor and you will excel,' Instead we need to tell them, 'Excel and you will get a mentor.' " You have exceled with this older man, all right, but not in a way that he can convey to his colleagues.I found out it was a man who works in my field, and is a fair number of years my senior. He and I are both unmarried and unattached, but neither of us wants to move have a romantic relationship with each other.I have now begun to date closer to my age group, so I don't want to share playtime with him anymore, but haven't told him yet.I was moving away after my fellowship and we both became emotional that we couldn’t see each other regularly.We got romantically involved at that point and it felt so natural.John may indeed be the William Harvey of his day, but surely he must hope that as he ages and medicine advances, you will eventually surpass him as a clinician.
Being clear about that may give you the strength to maintain a just-friends relationship with John.For the sake of argument (sorry to inject this thought) let’s say John suddenly drops dead.You’d feel bereft, but you wouldn’t close up your practice because you can no longer turn to him for advice.Dear Prudence, I am a single female physician in my mid-30s.I had a deep intellectual and (brief) romantic connection with my much older mentor. "John" is over 20 years older than I am, divorced with grown children.